


The Tumour and The Feelings

by BlackFeather45



Series: Feelings [1]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aint no I shit in here, Brain Tumour, F/M, It's the beginning of a series, Not Beta Read, Only a tiny bit, Series, Strange is a bit ooc, You-perspective, a bit sadness in the beginning, spoiler - Freeform, you pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-13 15:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13573896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackFeather45/pseuds/BlackFeather45
Summary: You were lying in the hospital bed more frequently than in your actual bed and it started to frustrate you. Sometimes waking up to people crying or even screams from relatives woke you up in the middle of the night. You had gotten used to it after a while, but in the beginning you were always on the brim of snapping and just screaming at them to shut up.





	The Tumour and The Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This is the beginning of a series where you are dating Doctor Strange. This little fic is how the two of you met and how you relationship started. (There are spoilers all the way, so be warned)

You were lying in the hospital bed more frequently than in your actual bed and it started to frustrate you. You sometimes woke up to people crying or even screams from relatives waking you up in the middle of the night. You had gotten used to it after a while, but in the beginning you were always on the brim of snapping and just screaming at them to shut up.

  
Now you just listened to their cries and sobs and were thankful that your family wouldn’t have to go through such a trouble. One reason was that your family was dead. Killed in a fire years ago. Your parents had been asleep as the pipes had broke and the gas had started to leak out in the kitchen. Your younger sister couldn’t fall asleep so your brother had made her some warm milk. He had called you around that time. He had woken you up for the sheer purpose to suffer with him. If he had to get up in the middle of the night to warm up some milk for your six year old sister, so had you.  
You had been studying in another state around that time and weren’t around when the investigations had went on. You couldn’t even afford a flight back and you had answer all the questions to the police via skype reference, so they could see your face and make sure you weren’t lying.  
You had been on the phone and had heard the explosion. You had heard your sister cry out and your brother yell as the loud sound had made you flinch back. She had screamed just like those parents.  
Now years later you were laying in a hospital bed in the neurology department with one of the worst brain tumours in history.  
And the second reason why your family wouldn’t have to go through all this trouble was thanks to the best neurosurgeon in the world, doctor strange. He had picked up your case as you had been transferred to the hospital in the middle of the night a few months ago.

  
Diagnosed with a brain tumour that was covering your whole brain. No one had seen anything like this before. It was in every corner of your brain and before anyone could have told you that it is impossible to remove, mister strange had walked in your room and told you that it he will remove it within a couple of months.  
He had explained you the treatment and the way you will have to go if you choose him over certain death. You would go under multiple operations in a short amount of time. The tumour can’t be removed with one operation, since it will take too long time, but they also couldn’t wait for too long or it would spread out again and the previous work would be for shit.

  
He will go with your through two stages of huge operations and successfully remove the whole beast.  
You will be put into an artificial coma two times. One in the first stage and the second time in the last stage.  
In the first stage there will be three operations in a short amount of time, trying to free a huge surface of your brain from the tumour and in the second stage they will just clean up the rest and make sure it hadn’t spread.  
He had also told you about the possible consequences and you could even die in the process since your body might be too weak. As he had discussed with you the options he had also told you that in that moment your body was in perfect shape and was on board with fighting the tumour, but no one could predict if it would just give up in the middle of the fight.  
You had signed the papers instantly, no parental guide necessary since you were already twenty seven years old. Finished university, paid off your student loans to a half already with your job as a medical technologist, developing new machines to assist the medical world.  
Of course your doctor had instantly knew who you are and had skipped the parts where he would explain to you how he would use your technology. He briefly mentioned what he would use to give you your live back.

 

So this is how you ended up in here and how you would get out of here, without anyone crying over your dead body.  
It still annoyed you though. You turned to the side with a small groan as a few nurses and security rushed down the halls since the mother was throwing a tantrum, because her child was going to die.  
You couldn’t relate. You had the tumour for so long, that it had eaten up your emotions all together. It had been there with you through the accident, that is why you could still attend your classes afterwards and finished them with a perfect score.  
You had shed a few tears in the beginning, but you couldn’t remember ever throwing a tantrum because of their death. You had only once visited the family grave, right after graduation and a short time before you would start working.  
You had never been in your hometown afterwards. Never again.  
You had started working in a biotechnological company afterwards and now were developing a few devices for hospitals, helping people indirectly. Making their chances to survive a bad tumour a slightly bit higher.  
After you had a small accident at home, that had made you spill a pot filled with hot water all over your arms, you had ended up in the hospital in the middle of the night. You had screamed at the hot water had touched your arms, but you had admitted that you didn’t feel the pain.  
That’s when a few doctors scanned your whole body and had diagnosed you with the huge brain tumour.  
Only seconds later a dark haired doctor had entered your room and had told you about your treatment and you signing the papers, that allowed him to do what he wanted.  
You didn’t care about the money at that point.

Now you had completed the first stage, but your emotional part of the brain was still occupied by the tumour, what still made you act like a sociopath.  
That’s what your nurse and a few other patients called you.  
You had to stay in the hospital till the second stage was completed. If it wouldn’t be for the screams and cries, you wouldn’t mind.  
You fell asleep after the parents had been asked out of the hospital and the department went silent again, except for the beeping of the monitors.

 

 

“Rise and shine, y/n. The second stage starts today and the handsome doctor will be here soon” A nurse called as she opened the curtains, making you groan as the sunlight hit you right in the face.  
“Devil” You hissed and covered your face with the pillow.  
She chuckled and headed out again, letting you wake up.  
“I was informed that you are awake” A familiar voice spoke up and you uncovered your face again and looked up tired.  
“You were misinformed” You groaned and sat up slowly and removed your headscarf that kept your head warm.  
Your hair had been shaved off for the operations, since it would be only in the way. A nurse had gifted you a head scarf, which you had thanked her for.  
No emotions didn’t mean that you had no manners.  
Strange chuckled at your answer and checked your scars and your well-being.  
“Your body was better before the treatment, but it is still fighting” He said with his deep and appealing voice.  
It warmed you up inside, hearing him speak, but you didn’t understand why. It had been too long since you have had experienced real human emotions.  
“So I am still signed up for the second stage?” You asked and looked up in his clean shaved face as you put the scarf back on.  
“Yes, we will start right away and put you in the artificial coma once again and when you wake up you should be able to jump out of your bed and hug me out of happiness” He joked and you managed a small smile, being polite.  
He walked back out and you looked after him. Soon the nurses came in and you were put in the artificial coma. You weren’t a fan of it, but it was necessary for your treatment, so you just accepted it.  
The last time you had been in the coma had been a bit over a month. It couldn’t be done more frequent, since it wasn’t good for a persons heart and it might just stop beating.  
But since your body was still holding up, Strange had decided to move on right away.  
You wondered what your feelings for him were. And how you would think about of your situation once you have your feelings back.  
You wondered how you would feel about your loss from over ten years ago. Would you start to cry about being alone? Or would you be happy about being still alive? But the actual question was, would you even wake up or would you die in your sleep?  
You were slowly drifting off but caught yourself right before falling asleep and looked at the nurse who had woke you up this morning and had given you the scarf.  
“Thanks for everything, Marie” You whispered and passed out.

 

 

You woke up in pain. It felt like your body was burning. You arched your back and screamed loudly, gripping the sheets tightly.  
Pain.  
You haven’t felt that in years.  
Nurses and doctors rushed in your room and held you down. You were given sedatives and pain medications what made you pass out again.

  
The next time you woke up your face was wet and you were crying and sobbing. You got out of the bed and stumbled over to the bathroom and cried. The loss of your family hit you right in the stomach.  
Someone was knocking on the door and soon it was broken open and Marie hugged you tightly as the doctors made sure you weren’t hurt or in pain. She held you close and told you that it was alright, letting you cry your soul out as the sorrow and sadness overcame you.  
You were brought back in the bed as you fell asleep in her arms.

  
The next time you woke up was the next morning. You had calmed down and had also eaten something. The nurse Marie had checked up on you a few times and you had told her every time that you were alright. You had thanked her a few times even. You couldn’t thank her enough.  
After some time a doctor came in and updated you on your condition. You had been passed out for three weeks after the last operation.  
The tumour was gone, but you had to stay for a few days since they wanted to make sure that you won’t hurt yourself while adjusting to all the feelings and other stuff.  
The tumour had just oppressed your brain, making temporary damage, putting pressure on the wrong places, since there had been no space left, but it hadn’t had the function to eat away parts of you.  
As the doctor finished, you had only one question left which he said he would answer right away.

  
“Where is Strange?” You asked and eyes the doctor.  
He had told you that he would show up right if you would wake up, but you had noticed that he hadn’t been there since your awaking.  
“He had a car accident and is laying in the room MB069. I don’t recommend visiting him, but I won’t hold you back. Maybe you can talk some sense into him, which I doubt” The man said.  
He wrote down the number for you and left again.  
You put on a few clothes and got in a wheel chair. Marie insisted that you wouldn’t walk for the next days and letting your body recover enough. At least for a week.  
You held the small note in your hand as you went on the search for the room Doctor Strange was laying in.  
You didn’t knew how bad his condition was until you reached his room and saw him through the window. You froze as you saw him.  
He was asleep, so he didn’t notice you. You looked at him. His hands were damaged up to his arms. They were bandaged the whole way.  
A passing nurse told you what happened and what he had done through the whole time, but nothing had worked.  
The accident had occurred right after your last operation. Around three weeks ago.  
It was the first time for five years that you didn’t know what to do. Your feelings were holding you back somehow.  
What should you say once you get in there and he wakes up? You didn’t know. You had lost your family, yes, but you had never lost something that would have kept you from doing at what you were good at, developing machines for the avenger, for stark and the rest of the world.  
Your small memory loss and loss of emotional contact, had never kept you from helping develop the 3D-printer that could print organs or skin directly on the patient.  
It hadn’t hold you from developing a biotechnological chip on which you could save your memories, if you were an Alzheimer patient. Your tumour had never held you back from helping people with your machines and devices.  
But Strange had lost his whole live with this accident. You didn’t knew much about medicine, but you couldn’t come up with a way in how he could restore the full function in his hands.

  
You took in a deep breath and opened the door and got inside.  
You rolled up to his side and looked in his face. He had grown a beard, maybe because he couldn’t shave it.  
The nurse had told you that his hands were shaking pretty bad and he only ate solid food, so that he didn’t had to rely on the help of others.  
Also the reason why he didn’t shave his bear, since he couldn’t.  
“You should put your pride aside and at least let someone shave your beard, you homeless man” You whispered and eyed his face.  
“If you will keep up that attitude, people will call me ‘Doctor Strange last patient’” You whispered to yourself and lowered your gaze as your eyes filled up with tears.  
You felt pity for him and you were sad for him, something you hadn’t been in years.  
“Didn’t thought you could show feelings, y/n” You heard his hoarse voice speak up and you looked up surprised.

  
“The nurse said you were asleep” You whispered and whipped away your tears.  
“I just pretend to be asleep so that no one pesters me with a razor and wanting to shave my beard, since I look like a homeless person” He said and you felt heat rising up in your face and looked away.  
“Sorry-“ But you were interrupted as he sat up and leaned over to you.  
He grabbed you by your chin and making you look at him. You groaned softly at the sudden movement and his harshness.  
His hands were warm but covered in scars, what made them rough.  
“It worked” He whispered and a small smile appeared on his lips.  
“Are you telling me that you didn’t believe in yourself as you were working on me and just used me as your Guinee pig?” You asked, suddenly indignant.  
“No. It just makes me believe in myself more and in my current situation” He said as he let go of you and you settled down again with your feelings.  
“I should go” You whispered and turned around, ready to leave.  
“Do you want to do it?” He suddenly asked and you looked over your shoulder with raised eyebrows and red cheeks.  
“What?” You asked surprised and he smiled softly.  
“Shave off my beard” He finished and you felt all embarrassed.  
“Oh. Yeah. Sure. Even if you are a patient, you shouldn’t look like that” You said and got over to the sink and got a small bowl with water a some shaving cream and a razor and a towel.  
You got over to his bed and making him move a bit closer to the edge and started to shave him.  
You decided not to ask him why he was being so nice to you. The nurse had told you that he had been acting like an asshole to anyone who entered this room. He had even scared out Doctor Palmer, who everyone considered a good friend of his.  
“Done” You said after a while. It wasn’t a clean shave, since you had been scared to cut him, but he looked better than before.  
You gave him the towel and cleaned up the bowl and the razor.  
“I should be going now or Marie will kill me for not eating my lunch” You said with a soft smile and got over to the door.  
“You are a totally different person than before” He whispered and you turned around with a bright smile.  
“Thanks to you” You said and got out of his room and headed back to yours, where Marie was already waiting with your food.

 

You visited him a few times as you were staying in the hospital, but after your release, you were dragged back into work right away and didn’t even get home for the first few days. You had to catch up on your projects and you had a few more requests of Stark. He needed you to develop something, which needed a license, which he obviously didn’t had but you did, so you went right to work, not wanting to disappoint.  
So you were surprised as you suddenly received a call from Marie, asking you to visit Strange if possible.  
You had then remembered what was going on and had agreed. She had given you his address and you had headed out for your break and over to the location he was living in.  
He certainly had been a successful man, since he lived in one of the richest parts of the city. You certainly had the money to live there too, but you decided to stick to a small apartment and sticking to the people that you were helping with your work.  
The elevator opened and you stepped in a huge apartment filled with a few boxes and only little furniture.  
You spotted him instantly as you walked inside and walked over to him, but stopped in the middle of the way as you looked at him closer. He looked like on the first day you had visited him. Unshaved, tired, sad. But there was something new to him. Rage and disappointment.  
“Maybe you were right after all. Maybe you are the last person I have saved” He said and looked up at you and you had to held back your tears as you saw the look in his eyes.  
You were still an emotional person after gaining back your feelings. You still weren’t used to it very well and you catch yourself crying and screaming at minor issues. It freaks out your colleges, but they don’t report you, yet. They are actually betting how long it will take you to get back to normal.  
“Maybe. But who am I, to judge your condition” You said and walked closer, but not too close, scared of the new feeling in his face, which you had never seen there.  
“Have you talked with that guy yet? The man who managed to walk again?” You asked.  
It had been on your last day as he had told you about a patient that could walk again.  
“Yes. And I am leaving tomorrow in the morning to find the place he had been at. I don’t know if I will return, since I am giving out my last money for the ticket” He said and you nodded softly.  
You had no right to held him back. You of all people had literally no right to do so. You weren’t his friend, just a patient, who decided to be a moral support of his condition.  
“I still hope you come back one day so I can hug you happily” You said and walked over to him and closed the distance between you, leaning down and hugging him gently.  
“Thank you for everything, Stephen. I hope you will find the solution you are seeking” You whispered and kissed his cheek before leaning back again with a small smile and walked back to the elevator and headed out.  
You had no right to hold him back from his last hope, but you will be there if he wanted to return.  
You had left a small note with your number on it on the table as you had leaned in for the hug. You were sure he wouldn’t ever call you, but you decided to stay his supporter till the end.

 

You didn’t heard about your doctor for a while.  
Your check ups were done by a different person and you stayed healthy. The tumour stayed away and never returned. You worked with the Avengers more often and even received a few visits of Dr. Banner and Anthony Stark. Stark showed a liking on you, but you have heard about his stories with women and you were still waiting on a call from Stephen.  
It didn’t took long and you received an email within the first couple of weeks after him leaving.  
You couldn’t remember ever giving him your email, but it wasn’t hard to find it.  
He wanted to make sure that you were alright and told you that he found what he had been looking for. He won’t be coming back for long and you shouldn’t worry. But he hoped that he could catch you for a cup of tea if he came back.  
You smiled softly and agreed to his proposition with an email and went back to work, looking forward to meet the man again.

You got used to having your feelings back after a while. It took you two months still and you were thankful to your co-workers that no one had reported you over the whole time. You made some friends in your work place and received some invitations on dates, which you politely declined. You were ready for friendships and laughs, but you certainly weren’t ready for a serious relationship or a one night stand. You couldn’t predict how you would act towards your co-worker after just sleeping with him. You had never done that and didn’t want to do it with someone you worked with. You were certain that they also had a bet running, but didn’t ask.

 

The next time you heard from Strange was six months later after he had left the city. He wrote you an email if you didn’t want to get the tea he had promised you months ago. He had added an address to it. It was somewhere in the peaceful parts of New York.  
It made you wonder how long he had been already here?  
You stopped in your tracks and looked down. Why were you even waiting for him? You started to question everything you have done for the past few months.  
Why have you declined all those requests from your co-workers or random people in a café. They haven’t been even bad looking.  
But you had always declined their offers as you remembered the email of Strange.  
Why have you always declined?  
You headed out for your meeting with Strange at the address he had given you.  
It was an old building in the green area of New York. Untouched by the Chitauri years ago.  
You got out of your taxi, paid the ride and got over to the door and knocked on it as you didn’t found a bell, just the huge door knob.  
The door opened right away, but no one was there.  
You walked inside hesitantly, and closed the door after you.  
“Hello? Anyone here?” You asked and flinched as Thor suddenly appeared at the bottom of the stairs with someone else in a cape.  
They didn’t seem to notice you as they carried on their conversation.  
“Thor?” You asked as you slowly walked closer.  
You had met him before in the Tower as Stark had invited you to the lab, as you and Banner had collaborated on a device for him to reduce his stress level and help him back easier out of the Hulk form.  
You were certain that Thor wouldn’t recognise you, but you were proved wrong.  
“Miss y/l/n” Thor said as he looked over at you and making the flying guy turn around.  
“Strange” You whispered as you looked over at the man who was holding up his hands and moving them in a small circle.  
Someone fell to the ground and you looked to your right and saw Loki, Thor’s brother lying on the ground.  
“I have been falling for 30 minutes” He growled and got up.  
“So Midgard has sorcerers now” He asked and got his daggers out.  
“Loki stop” Thor called and Strange raised his hands again, creating a portal.  
“Off you go” He hummed and let the portal swallow them both.  
“Is he right?” You managed to whisper out as you were looking at the place where Thor and Loki had just been.  
“Yes. I am some kind of a sorcerer” Strange said and you just remembered what kind of power his voice had over you.  
It had been hard before your operation, but now it was nearly unbearable.  
He got closer and spoke up again, what left goose bumps all over your skin and made your face heat up.  
“I will explain everything to you over a cup of tea” He said and took you by your hand with his gloved one and guided you upstairs.  
He told you everything about the last past months. About his teacher, about the temple, about the time and what had happened in Singapore, but no one would remember since it actually didn’t happen. You were sometimes confused, but as he went on your questions disappeared. He showed you around the temple of New York and you two settled down in the library.  
“I’m sorry for not writing to you for the past months, I hope you understand” He said as he refilled your mug with magic.  
“I have a question about that” You said and he looked up surprised but told you to go on.  
“I got used to my feelings and having them hadn’t caused me trouble for a while now, but I have to ask you something, since I think you are the main cause of this behaviour of mine.  
I received many invitations over the past few months for dates or one night stands-“ You noticed his expression changing, but decided to go on.  
“But I have never accepted them as I remembered your email with your invitation for tea once you return. Why did I decline those? I mean, it’s not like those people were mean or bad. Those were genuine requests but I always had to think about that email and about you and always ended up declining those offers” You admitted and looked at him in hope for an answer.  
You didn’t have a close friend to ask about this and he was the closest you had ever had to a friend and since he was the reason for you declining all those offers, it was only fair to ask him about this.  
“It seems that your brain had developed a feeling over the past few months, that you had never experienced before. Have you ever been in love, y/n” He asked and you leaned back with your lips slightly parted.  
He had taken you by surprise and you hadn’t been ready for this question.  
Surely you had loved your family but you have never had a lover or boyfriend. You weren’t that kind of person as a teenager and since you started to loose your feelings around the age of 18 you had never had started dating.  
“I have loved my family, but… the tumour…” Your face slowly started to warm up and you looked up in Stephens face.  
“Wait… so did I just confessed my feelings to you?” You asked and your face was probably warmed than the tea by now.

  
He chuckled and smiled softly.  
“You don’t have to be embarrassed. This feeling is new to you and I don’t blame you or judge you for this. And yes it seems like you have just confessed your feelings to me” He said with a soft smile and took a sip of his cup, still smiling and not taking his gaze of you, what make you feel even more uncomfortable.  
“I- I should go” You whispered and got up from your seat, taking your coat which you had taken off before and headed out of the room.  
You gasped as you ran right into Strange’s chest as he appeared right in front of you.  
“But I have to admit that I caught myself thinking about you often in the past few months and I would love to get to know you better” He said and you looked up.  
“May I be the one who asks you out on a date and you accept the offer?” He asked with a small smile and you nodded softly and agreed to go on a date with him.  
“But you need to wear something else than this for our date” You said with a small chuckled and he smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> The series won't be updated on a specific day in the week. I will just post something if I have written anything. Stay tuned.
> 
> THis is not beta-read btw


End file.
